


Holiday Baking Gone Wrong

by zombie_honeymoon



Category: Naruto
Genre: Adopted Children, Akatsuki as Found Family, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Family Feels, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Gen Work, holiday baking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:34:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28051725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombie_honeymoon/pseuds/zombie_honeymoon
Summary: Konan wants to have a homemade holiday dinner, with homemade dessert. But letting Deidara and Itachi help while Hidan has a tantrum in the background, things don't go as planned.
Relationships: Kakuzu & Konan (Naruto), Konan & Nagato | Pain & Yahiko (Naruto)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 19





	Holiday Baking Gone Wrong

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JustAnotherBlonde](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherBlonde/gifts).



> Akatsuki Gift Exchange Stocking Stuffer for JustAnotherBlonde, I hope you enjoy, your prompt was very cute and I wanted to try writing it! 
> 
> For reference the kids approximate ages are: Deidara- 3 1/2, Itachi- 5, and Hidan- 6. I went with them being the kids since they're the youngest members. 
> 
> I didn't write it with any ships in mind, but if you want to read it as there being a ship between any of the three adults in the fic that's fine, or just that they all live together platonically and Konan has adopted children.

Deidara was sat on the counter, watching as Konan read the directions on the box of red velvet cake mix. With dinner already cooked and waiting, she wanted a nice dessert to go with it. Yahiko had offered to go and buy something from the bakery down the street from them but Konan had shook her head, wanting everything to be homemade. Besides, why spend money when they already had a box of cake mix.

With a shrug, she had said, ‘how hard can a boxed cake mix be?’ 

So Yahiko had left her to it while he took Hidan out of the kitchen as he had started to pull Deidara’s hair and made him cry, an almost daily occurrence, but from the sounds of it, Hidan was having a meltdown in the other room and she heard Yahiko trying to reason with him before finally just taking him outside to the backyard and shut the door.

Konan took a deep breath and slowly breathed out. It wasn’t easy being orphaned, she knew that well enough. It also wasn’t easy taking in orphans to raise and try to give a life to that she never had. Itachi was fairly easy, though far too serious while of the three of them Deidara was easiest. He had been the youngest when he lost his parents and was put into the foster care system. It was likely that he didn’t remember much. Deidara always had smiles for them. Hidan was another story, having just recently come to live with them. Ever since bringing him home, he was constantly making trouble with Deidara and Itachi. Pulling their hair. Poking them with forks to make them cry. She had even once caught him encouraging Deidara to play with matches, showing him how to light them and letting him try. She was sure it was for attention, he thrived off it, no matter if it was positive or negative attention. 

Even with the backdoor closed, the sound of screaming and crying came in through the open window and Konan shut it to try and block the noise. She loved all the kids, but sometimes she needed some peace and quiet. 

Maybe it would be best to just buy something from the bakery, she thought, and was about to lift Deidara off the counter when he reached for the box mix, “I want to help!” His little voice made her heart squeeze in her chest and she decided they would just make the cake themselves.

She smiled at him and resisted the urge to squeeze his cheeks, “Alright, you can be my little helper today. Let me see what the directions say.”

Konan read quietly to herself, “Two eggs… water and oil… pre-heat the oven… grease the cake pan,” she looked up and smiled at Deidara who looked very interested in the picture of the cake on the box, “this should be easy and then we can eat.” 

Just as she dumped the bag of cake mix into the mixing bowl, the front door opened and she looked over her shoulder to see Kakuzu come in with Itachi and a bag of groceries. 

“Sounds like an exorcism!” Kakuzu complained, “I can hear Hidan all the way from the street.”  
  
“He was making Deidara cry--”

“When does he not?”

“--and I told him he can’t help us bake if he acts like that and it set him off. Yahiko is with him out back.” Part of her wanted to just give in and let Hidan back in to help but she knew they couldn't give in to his tantrums, it would only make things worse in the long run. He had to learn not to hurt his brothers.

Kakuzu took Itachi to the sink to wash his hands since they had been out, and then put away the drinks so they would be cold for dinner. With that finished, Kakuzu pulled a chair over for Itachi to stand on so that he could help with the cake, too.

“The neighbors must love us,” Kakuzu sighed as the crying continued. In fact, he knew their immediate neighbors did not love them. 

“Yes, so go see if you can get him to calm down. He'll make himself sick if he keeps it up,” Konan suggested, and once Kakuzu was out of the kitchen, doing her best to ignore the tantrum going on outside, got out the eggs, oil and a measuring cup. 

“Now don’t touch those,” she warned, setting the eggs down next to Deidara, eyeing him carefully. She remembered the last time trying to make cookies with him he took a bite out of a stick of butter.

“I won’t!” He chirped, “I help!” He smiled up at her with bright blue eyes, the very picture of innocence that she knew well he was not.

Konan opened the box and carefully cut open the sealed bag inside containing the cake mix and poured it into the mixing bowl. But then she remembered she hadn't started the oven and would have to turn her back to do so. She gave both boys a warning look. It would only be a few seconds at the most... she could make it if she was fast! As soon as her back was turned Deidara and Itachi exchanged looks and Deidara grabbed an egg and dropped it in the bowl with a giggle.

“I want to help, too.” Itachi decided and dropped another egg in, “Perfect.”

“Oh no, boys! No, don’t do that.” Konan swiftly turned back around and was glad to find the eggs hadn’t broken. But as she took them out and tried to find the eggs a safe place out of reach, Deidara grabbed another and threw it in the bowl with a loud, excited shriek as it broke against the side while Itachi had somehow gotten hold of the bottle of oil and was pouring the entire thing into the mixing bowl.

“We're helping!” Deidara laughed as he stuck his hands into the bowl and began squishing the mix together with eggs, egg shells, and oil, then grabbed two handfuls and promptly shoved them into his mouth. It was thick, red and made Deidara look absolutely dreadful as it dripped down his face and hands, onto his clothes and the counter, all while Konan looked on horrified and Itachi stood there, contemplating what was happening and trying to decide if he too should grab a handful. 

Konan took quick stock of the scene and decided to go for the egg carton as Deidara eyed it in an almost challenging way and was already a mess anyways. She was positive he was about to grab another egg and as she grabbed it up and away from him, several fell onto the floor. 

“Eggs broke,” Itachi informed her in a quiet voice, starring at the mess on the floor, empty bottle of oil in his hands, shaking his head solemnly, “So many eggs… gone now. Oil all gone, too.” 

“Yes. Thank you for that information.” Konan took another deep breath and stuck the remaining eggs back in the refrigerator and then lifted Deidara off the counter and held him over the sink to wash him up as best she could, then decided to just take his shirt off and leave it in the sink, all while keeping one eye on Itachi who just watched, his eyes straying towards the mixing bowl every time Konan looked away from him. Once Deidara was as clean as he was going to get without a proper bath, she dried him off and then set him outside the kitchen. Then returned for Itachi who was starring into the mixing bowl, a red mess of oil, broken eggs and cake mix, and carried him out, setting him next to Deidara, “Why don’t you two go play with your toys now? Or maybe go outside. Hidan is out there with Yahiko and Kakuzu. The five of you can play a game or something.” Silently, she added, 'and give me a break for once...'   
  
“Did we help?!” Deidara wanted to know, jumping up and down, ignoring her instructions.

“Yes, Deidara, you both helped.” Konan didn’t have the heart to tell him otherwise and gave them both a tired smile.

“Hidan is bad and makes us cry. I don't want to play with him,” Itachi told her. It made her sad but it was true, Hidan did make them cry. All the time, but...

“Hidan is not a bad child, Itachi, don't say that. He's getting better, and I think he just wants attention but making you two cry is not the way to go about getting it. I won't force you play with him, so go to your room if you want. Deidara should put a new shirt on.”

At that, Itachi took Deidara by the arm and she watched as they took off running down the hallway to their shared bedroom before going back to the kitchen to clean up the mess on the floor and counter. As she did, she realized, with relief, that it had quieted down and that Hidan was no longer screaming and crying. At least Kakuzu knew how to handle him, even if her and Yahiko didn’t seem to. There were times all Kakuzu had to do was give him one stern look and he would immediately quiet down. With a sigh, she wet a towel, thinking about how it had surprised both her and Yahiko how good Kakuzu was with children. 

* * *

Floor cleaned, Konan went to change her clothes, get her purse and keys, and then went out back to find Yahiko and Kakuzu, to let them know she was no longer making dessert, “I’m going to the bakery.” 

“What happened? Weren’t you baking a cake?” Yahiko asked, pausing in tossing a ball down the side of the house, presumably to Hidan.

Not wanting to go into detail, all she said was, “I was… but I think I did enough cooking for today, maybe even the rest of the year. Should we all go together, or should I just alone?”  
  
“Bakery?” Hidan poked his head around from the side of the house, his wide violet eyes rimmed red, and his pale face splotchy from all the crying. 

“Yes Hidan, do you want to come with me?” She made the offer, knowing how much he enjoyed going out and being included, but also wanting him to know he was part of their family.  
  
He bit his lip, trying to decide and looking like he was about to cry again, and mumbled, “I don’t know.”

Konan sighed, knowing Hidan had a rough time in foster care before they got him, shuffled from one place to the next, never lasting long due to his behavior. Walking closer, she held out her hand to him with a soft smile, “Come on. You can help me pick out the dessert. Maybe we'll get a nice bread, too. You and your brothers go through so much of it.” 

At the mention of 'brothers', Hidan's eyes watered and he wiped at them with the back of his hand while Kakuzu came up behind him and gently nudged him forward, asking Konan, “What about the other two? They'll be upset if they don't go with you.”  
  
“They can come too. And at least one of you are coming with me then. I’m not taking all three by myself. That's just chaos.” Konan wanted to know as she looked between Kakuzu and Yahiko.

“Kakuzu,” Hidan decided for them, looking up at him expectantly with big eyes.

“As long as you behave,” he warned, at which Hidan nodded with enthusiastic nodding of his head, “No more pulling your brother's hair, and no more stabbing them at the table with forks saying you're going to drink their blood just to scare them.” 

Hidan sniffled, giving a nod with a barely audible 'ok'.

“I’ll come, too. It’ll be nice, all of us together. And less chaotic with one kid for each of us.” Yahiko smiled and set the ball down then went inside to call Itachi and Deidara out of their bedroom so they could help pick dessert at the bakery. They came running, Deidara in a t-shirt that was inside out and backwards but Yahiko didn't care. At least he was dressed. Whatever had happened in the kitchen with the cake... he would ask later once all the kids were in bed asleep for the night, though he had a pretty good idea. 

“If we’re all going, we’ll walk. It’s only down the street anyways,” Konan told them as she followed Yahiko in, “these kids need to use up some of their energy before they drive us all crazy.” 

“It wasn’t that bad, was it?” Kakuzu asked as he followed her inside with Hidan close behind.

Konan paused and turned to face him, “Next year, how about I let you do the baking with all three of them and you can let me know how it turns out. Oh! While we're out, we're going to need more eggs and oil.”

“But... I just bought some,” Yahiko sounded confused as he took Itachi's hand and started for the front door.

Konan simply shrugged, “Who knew a box cake mix needed an entire bottle of oil and so many eggs?” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> And yes, I was thinking of that tiktok where that boy was grabbing everything trying to eat it while the grandma was trying to make cookies or something with him! If I could draw, I would have drawn Konan and Deidara like that, with Deidara shoving this red oily cake mix in his mouth as she looks horrified trying to stop him.


End file.
